My birthday is coming up on the very last day of this month.
Birthdays are often a time of reflection, a time to look over the past year and years, and see how far you’ve come.
Well, for me, this past year has had a lot of changes. I went from being a college student just trying to stay afloat with my son and our home, to now having graduated and gotten my license, ready to start working.
And I’m terrified.
Starting something new is always a little scary, but I find that being ‘absolutely frozen in fear before starting something new,’ is a part of my process. I felt it after my husband left (understandably), when I started college (isn’t it that way for everyone), after I joined the race for town councillor (mostly excited but still), and now here, right at the cusp of being a practicing paralegal.
I am a go getter, and I love new opportunities; so why am I so afraid?
The answer: I’m afraid to fail.
I am afraid that I won’t be good enough, smart enough, prepared enough, liked enough. It’s a fear I’ve felt my whole life. A struggle I’m sure we’re all secretly going through.
So, what I’ve done to help me survive that fear and break through to the next steps is surround myself with support.
I’ve taken on a mentor for the paralegal work, who has been showing me the ropes and using her own experiences to help sooth my panic attacks. I’ve called my mom for any and every worry, and she has met me every time with encouragement, and respite for my son, shoulder to cry on, and the occasional house clean up. Furthermore, I’ve called on my best friends (one of whom is also my little sister), who each offer different words of comfort and love, and who are always there when I need them. I have my son, who fills my every day with joy and activity, and gives me purpose. And finally, I’ve called on my boyfriend, who is the first man I’ve dated that I can be my full unabridged self with. He calls me every night to check in, listens intently to my every worry and hypothetical, and backs me up 100 per cent.
I have built my circle of support to keep me strong in the times of fear. To be there for me in the lows and to cheer me on in the highs. Truthfully, they’re what keeps me going.
So, here I am. Almost 27, running for town councillor, starting out as a paralegal. Terrified and struggling.
But I’ll be giving it my all!
